Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize