i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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