Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
