im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
