I can text with my tongue
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
