I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
