can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i barfeds in our rink
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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