I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
