I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
