Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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