I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Randomize
