You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
