We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
