Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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