What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize