i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
