Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
