I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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