I wannas sexs uuuuu
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
