why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
