I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize