I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
