the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
