Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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