12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
