So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
