I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
