Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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