i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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