tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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