He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
