you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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