Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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