Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
