Betty ford says i'm here all night
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I would ride that face into the sunset
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
