you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
