At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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