i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
ttyl tear gas
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Boobs are out for the taking
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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