Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
