Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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