sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize