OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
