Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
