He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
