i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
