Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
