Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
