the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
