I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
