two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
