I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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