a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
