when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's official drugs can't kill me
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
