Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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