im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
