just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
