I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
