so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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