remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
