Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
