R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
