i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize