Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
