Sponge bath it is.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
All the doctor said was why
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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