Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
