i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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