She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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