You just made me feel so damn special
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
