Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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