so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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