I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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