He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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