She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I think I just sharted jello shots
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
