I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
