Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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